I felt you in my life before I ever thought to.

I need to lay down beside you and tell you:

I feel you in my heart and I don't even know you.

and now we're saying bye, bye, bye.

I was nineteen, calling me.

Nineteen is a funny age. Not like "haha" funny, but just different. You're not in your twenties yet. You're still a teenager, yet you don't have the burden of responsibilities that you suddenly had to take on when you turned eighteen. I don't think I've had an age fit me as well as nineteen does right now. I feel nineteen. I don't feel eighteen anymore, and I definitely don't feel twenty yet. I'm happy to be in the middle. I've been a young "adult" for a year, but that's as far as I've gotten. I'm still figuring so much out, but I am at least starting to get a grasp on who I am and what I want.

I'm also just really excited for another year. Eighteen was crazy. Almost everything in my life has changed in the past year. I had just as many ups as I had downs. I'm hoping that this year will be steadier but just as exciting. 

I spent my birthday relaxing. I went shopping with my sister. My brother bought me winter candles. I painted my nails sparkly in my own personal celebration. I spent some much needed time with my best friend. I admitted that I'll probably never be too old for cookie cake. I was very thankful for the warm welcome I received from my hall-mates when I got back to school. My roommate's present to me consisted of film(!!!), dark chocolate, a disposable camera, gingerbread spice tea, and Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes.

thankful.

I am thankful for:

• cats
• my family
• my boyfriend and his wonderful grandparents who always make me feel at home
• having Samm as my roommate this past semester
• being able to go to college
• the opportunity to live in Asheville
• my camera
• cheez-its
• being born and raised in North Carolina
• bojangles (see previous.)
• my high school experience
• pinterest

I am also thankful for this break.

I am thankful to be home and for home to really feel like home.

I am thankful for taking a break from the online world for a while.

I am thankful for the chance to unwind and take bubble baths and watch all of Gone with the Wind and eat too much of my dad's yummy pecan pie(whoops).

I am thankful for a wonderful 19th birthday, but I'll make another post on that later. For now, I'm going to enjoy what's left of my Thanksgiving break.

denim and cotton.

I bought this bowl this past Tuesday at the annual UNCA Art Department Bowl Sale at The Hop. Basically, you buy a handmade bowl and get free ice cream. Samm and I looked through every single bowl, and I picked this one up right away. I held on to it with the intentions of getting more than one but couldn't find another that spoke to me the way this one did (partly because Samm snatched 4 of the gorgeous bowls before I could. ;)). But let me tell ya, I am in love with this bowl. I love love love the colors. Something about indigo blue contrasted against white speaks to my heart. I love the shape and the texture of the ridges. I love the exposed clay at the base. I love the simplicity of it. I love the fact that it's handmade and it supports my school. I got a scoop of chocolate orange ice cream in a sugar cone and as always, it was awesome. I love The Hop. 

This week was hectic but I survived. I'm ready to spend the next couple of days catching up and getting myself prepared for the final week of classes which is so swiftly approaching.

I think I've finally landed on New Media as my major, but this is, of course, subject to change.

I have a roommate basically picked out for when Samm leaves. It's awesome because although I know that Shai is a really cool girl who isn't some psychopath I've never met, I don't know much else about her. I'm excited to have the opportunity to get close to someone completely new and it's a college experience I don't want to miss out on.

Everything that I have been stressing out over is just working itself out and I'm realizing that I am going to be okay. It sounds weird, but I'm getting back into the flow of myself. I kinda lost who I was for a while and I feel like I'm getting her back.

Lately, I've been making a conscious effort to get more exercise and watch what I eat, and I'm trying to consume more books, movies, and music. Just little things that make me feel good.

Asheville is starting to feel more and more like home each day I wake up here, and it feels wonderful.

there's a darkness upon you that's flooded in light.

I was happy to have been able to come home to catch the last glimpse of Halloween. My parents kept the decorations up for me to see and it really made the holiday feel more "real." I burned so many candles because we can't have candles in our dorms. I caught up on American Horror Story: Asylum (soooo good!) and ate way too much Halloween candy. I'm so excited to come home again for Thanksgiving and especially again for winter break. I think I've said this before, but I really feel like the holidays are going to be extra special this year. 

My dad took me to the Renaissance Festival, and it couldn't have been better. The pictures I took weren't great by any means, but I love the Renaissance Festival. I love the fact that it takes place only in autumn. I love the bread bowls. I love how it smells like incense and turkey legs. I love the handmade and unique stuff you can buy. I love the sense of humor everyone who works the festival has. I love the magic. I love the spookiness. I love everything about it. Everything. I'm so glad I was able to make it this year, and I'm so glad I got to spend time with my dad.

a perfect shade of dark blue.

Lately, I've been learning that what works for someone else may not work for me and what works for me may not work for someone else, and that is okay. I'm learning a lot about the kind of person I am and how I choose to live my life. I need to stop comparing myself to everyone else and focus on exactly what works for me and learn to be happy with that. I have to learn that whatever I do now is my choice, and I am in charge of who I am and how I feel about it and nobody else is.

I'm choosing to go to a smaller college because I like the intimate feel. I'm choosing not to join a sorority because Greek Life doesn't work for me. I'm choosing to have a single room next year because I need to have Lizzie time. I'm choosing to study abroad because I have wanderlust. I'm choosing to live in Asheville because I know the person I am becoming can grow here more than anywhere else. And it's really a wonderful thing that I am able to make these choices.

I am going through a time of growth right now. I know because I can feel it happening to me and it hurts. It hurts to grow. But knowing it's a growing pain is making me very excited to see the kind of person I shape into. And that makes me happy to be growing, despite how uncomfortable it can be.

This doesn't make a lot of sense. I'm home for the weekend and coming back home brings on a flood of emotions and thoughts as I'm thrown back into my "old" life. It's a strange feeling. I feel like I'm from the past and visiting the future and it's all just a lot like time travel. 

Again with the not making a lot of sense thing. I'll wrap this up:

The picture above of Samm is from our visit to the French Broad Chocolate Lounge. If I even try to talk about how amazing it was, I'll have to make a whole other blog post.

It was snowing the day we went, which is crazy to me. Snow before Halloween. Crazy.

Lonnie and I have finished up season 2 of The Walking Dead and I can't get over how hooked I am. I'm emotionally involved with that show. Also, I am so thankful I have someone to cuddle and watch Netflix with as the weather outside gets colder.

The other picture is from the view of Halloween night in Lonnie's backyard. I love how some of the mountains sparkle at night.